Family is killing me...my mum actually ask me GO AND DIE...

because of one job thingy...she ask me go and die...one day i shall do it...

i held ur advice...i find job...and when i found one...u dun allow me to work...

just bcos its night shift...and u scare i go to other ppl house to stay over...

have so wat if i have sex at other place...? im 18...and i know what im doing...

i ain gonna invite trouble to myself...ur son ain't that stupid...

and rest assure...if i were to have anything happen outside...

i will not bring it back home...no one will be involve...

i will not let this house to have anything to do wif it...

even if i were to die outside...who cares...many ppl wanna see me die...



how i wish that my da ge will just bring me back...and end everything...

sorry my buddy...the once cheerfu Nicholas is dead once again...

i promise once that i will stand up strong..but problem just come...non-stop...

i dunno how long i can still take it...i think i will really collapse soon...

very soon...now i just drift my day...everyday is so aimless...lifeless...



my exam result...sucks to the core...i failed every singel subject...

i have no courage to face anyone...especially ah koon kor...

he put so much hope on me...cos he dun wan me to follow his foot step...

i really have no mood to continue my O level anymore...really no mood...

every test result is like less than 30...how am i going to pass the O level...?

how am i going to face ppl who put so much hope on me...?



i really feel like moving out of this house...really...this place is nothing...

but a place for me to sleep only...i wanna leave this house soon...

but i cant...i cant support myself...no place for me to go...no place...

the only thing that i can think about is...to quite school and start to work...

to be independent...to support myself...to feed myself...



even if i were to die on the roadside...no one will pity me...

as i'm just another eye sore in other ppl's eyes...

just a nuisence...an idiot...an moron...a freaking guy...

who cares...thats the way i am...




i tried to change...as someone told me to do so...

when i was undergoing process of changing...that person left me...

that person which i need most...which i treasure most...left me...

that person was suffering...im also suffering...

but why i insist to continue...? cos i love you...

why i insist on carry on..? cos i love you...

but u give up...u give up on me...cos i bring u more sorrow and pain...

i was wrong from the start...all the things i did was wrong...

i now regretted...but...is it any use...? can i bring u back...

no............no...........no..........

u left me...and thats it....u left me...no mater how much i miss u...

no matter how many things i talk to u...u just treat me coldly...

the once bright smile on ur face can never be found...i can never see it again...

cos i just wipe it away...with my own sinful hand...

i tried to bring it back...but its too late...everything is just too late...



u gave me many chance...but i just did not grab it well...

everytime..chance just slip through my hand...right infront of me and ur eyes...

when i try to grab it hard...u took my hand and let go of the chance...

u have gave up on me...completely...

i tired to get it back...but no...u are so perseverence...

no means no...and this no...is a forever scar in my heart...



really...now i gonna ask u the last time...

will u give me one more chance...?